Upon seeing this article we became intrigued by the contents of this so-called “sex list” and decided we wanted to know more about it, what it is, and its contents. However rather than continuing to read the article we thought it would be much funnier to just make something up instead.
The Ruth Kelly Sex List 2005 turns out to be a complete list of every person that Ms. Kelly has enjoyed (or at least participated in) sexual relations with during that year. It is the final part of a trilogy which began in 2003, and rumours abound that upon completion of next years eagerly awaited Ruth Kelly Sex List 2006 will then release the Ruth Kelly Sex Legacy Box Set, although we have heard that she may possibly decide to pay homage to Douglas Adams by continuing to use the term “trilogy” to describe the series well into its 4th iteration and beyond.
The controversy over the sex list lies in its authenticity. Top names are predominant, with people such as Johnny Depp, Samuel L. Jackson, Leslie Grantham and Carol Vorderman all being named near to the top of the list (said to be sorted into “quality order”) – however ALL of the people appearing in the list refused to comment, with the exception of Johnny Depp who offered “you’re joking aren’t you? I wouldn’t even touch her with yours”.
Needless to say this has caused shockwaves throughout the political and literary world, putting the future of the series in jeopardy. Nobody knows from where the next twist in this saga will come, but we will be right there to make something up about it to keep you informed.
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