People Get Paid For This Shit?!?!

Today it has been revealed that a single gene determines the dryness of your earwax. Go on, stick a finger in your ear and take a look. Is it wet or is it dry? More to the point do you actually give a toss?

We certainly don't, and as our collective bloods began to boil at the fact that we actually WORK for a living, we remembered a number of other rather 'interesting' investigations that have been done by obvious spongers who can't be arsed to make any real effort to earn a living these days such as...

- the team that spent several years (not to mention hard cash) investigating why cornflakes went soggy when covered in milk

- a similar series of experiments to determine the best biscuit to dunk in your tea

- a recent survey to determine what percentage of people wanted to be surveyed.

Not to be deterred, the crack team of ear-investigators have told us that they can determine a persons race just by looking at their earwax. I can give you a better idea, just look at the fucking person whose ear you're getting the wax from and you'll probably get the same result, albeit a great deal faster.

According to the people carrying out this research, the earwax could play a significant part in identifying breast ailments in women. Of course it does. Picture the scene, "Well Ms. Brown I've had a quick poke in your ears and I'll be needing you to get your tits out now - no really, it says so here on the internet".

Perhaps we're looking at this from the wrong angle, perhaps we're jealous of the fact that a bunch of 70's throwbacks are being paid $millions per year to sit around all day doing fuck all, and coming up with this kind of preposterous bollocks on a semi-regular basis in order to keep the bailiffs from the door.

There's always the age-old saying "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" - so we'll be advertising our research services in the next few days. If you know of anyone that might be willing to invest a ridiculous amount of money into an inane and utterly pointless exercise, please direct them to this site and we'll see if we can come to an amicable agreement.