Jack Thompson Says...

"Bloody Hell!!!"

Microsoft Masterstroke

Every couple of years the games industry enters a transitional phase when one generation of console is coming to the end of its life, while the next generation begins to emerge to the uncomfortable excitement of 30-somethings in glasses everywhere. Approaching such a transitional phase at the time of writing this we noticed something that Microsoft are doing different with the Xbox360 – they’re CHANGING THE DESIGN OF THE AV CONNECTOR!! We’re sure that we don’t need to tell you what genius this is. I mean, first off just look at the old one, it’s RUBBISH. The new design is so much nicer, and kind of looks like the background of the logo for a new, exciting sci-fi series that may even be good enough to be screened on the Hallmark channel. Starring Gil Gerard. Probably.
Secondly, Sony used the same old scummy leads to connect the PSOne and PS2, as did Nintendo with the Super Nintendo, N64 and Gamecube. This led to people having stinky old leads from years ago plugged into their TV set, whereas Microsoft have openly embraced the idea that people WANT to play the “where’s-my-scart-socket” game once again, and that they WANT to pay extra money for the privilege.
Microsoft should take pride in the fact that they are following in the footsteps of the great Sega, who pulled all kinds of shenanigans with their AV connectors over the years, and just look at the thriving slice of the hardware pie currently enjoyed at the office of the blue hedgehog. Microsoft, we salute you.

Race Hate Explosion

Following up our story from the end of last week, prosecutions in the area of race hate have increased by 29% from last year, showing a distinct upturn in the numbers of people willing to risk it all to declare their disdain for the sort of events that have been the mainstay of athletics tournaments around the globe for many years.

Bertie Jiggs, a spokesman for PACRAP (Paedophiles Against Competitive Running And Politics) said “All we want is the freedom to express our disgust at the people that indulge in this sickness. Oh yes, it all starts off very innocently with your 100M sprints, but then they go and stick hurdles in the way and make the race 10 metres longer!! Then they really start to take liberties with things like the 1500M, I mean, what sick bastard thought that one up?!? As for the steeplechase – don’t even get me started on the steeplechase,” at which point he was led away by police.

We Support Race Hate!

There's been a lot of reports in the press recently about the increase in race hate crime. We'd just like to say that although we don't condone crime, race hate is fine and should be encouraged.

Take the marathon, for example, 25 miles of running/wheezing/pissing and for what? What possible use is being able to run through a city for a couple of hours other than the ability to be smug and boast about said "achievement."

Anyway, join your local protests as I'm sure there will be some, stand up people, fight the good fight against THEM.

Tapes Are Terrorists!

Don't say we didn't warn you (see post from Wednesday, November 02, 2005) but the evil that is blank videotapes have taken another step towards complete evilismocity after reports that evil terrorists are leaving evil terrorist tapes in non-Evil mosques in Yorkshire.

So now, not only can little Johnny transfer his animal-based porn to these evil devices but he can also learn how to become a terrorist purely because of the existence of these (evil) blank videotapes!

Something must be done, we need to protect our children.

Faced with this startling new report, some bloke from TDK (well known exponent of evil blank media on many levels) what we confronted and put forward our allegations of eviliciousness to, spewed, "Huh?" I don't think we need to point out the ramifications of this admission.

To say we're disgusted is an understatement.

We're disgusted.

Lazy Bastards!!!

An increasing number of blogs have appeared on the internet over the past year or so, with people taking the time to let the world know about their lives, the lives of their favourite rock band, their opinion of the latest movies and other such nonsense. As annoyed as we are that these people seem to think that anyone is going to actually READ this pointless cack, it’s nowhere near as angry as we get when we find a site that stands out, that shows promise, only to find that after a week or so the ideas seem to have dried up and the people responsible either don’t bother anymore or, worse still, attempt to keep the thing alive with futile attempts at humour that Keith Harris and Orville would be ashamed of.

Spread of Evil Continues

During further investigations of the seeming resurgence of evil that was uncovered recently to have spread across the internet like a rampant C++ based cold-sore (see previous story “Porn Found on Internet!!!”), we were horrified to discover the availability of blank VHS video cassettes and the equipment (commonly known as a “VCR”) used to record all manner of sick filth onto said tapes. These tapes would appear to be readily available from a wide variety of retail outlets, and during our investigations we found that shopkeepers were more than happy to sell these blank tapes to children as young as 5 years old WITHOUT verifying their age OR inquiring as to the intended use of the tapes, before allowing the "innocent" child to make their purchase. We emplore our readers to keep an eye out for any retailer willing to push these tools of depravity upon the youth of today and do whatever you can to put a stop to this trade in evil. Be aware that there are several variations of cassette, such as the E120, E180 and the outrageous E240, which allows the recording of up to 8 HOURS of sickening animal-based porn to be recorded onto it for future use, proving that when it comes to evil the byword would appear to be quantity, not quality.