Porn Found on Internet!!!

It has been revealed to our good friend The Captain that EVIL people have started to use the INTERNET to exchange PORNOGRAPHIC MATERIAL. A Scotland Yard spokesman revealed that they were shocked and appalled when the discovery was made by one of their top detectives last night:
“During a routine search for pictures of puppies and recipes that use a butternut squash, one of our top men found a picture of a woman graphically exposing her naked ankle. Pursuing this, he turned up other pictures, and it was learned that the problem extends way beyond the calf.”
Extensive research has since been carried out and found that after just TEN HOURS of exposure to this material, the male member could became erect, signalling beyond a shadow of a doubt that evil was present.
Now here at OOS we remember the good old days of the internet, when people used it for good wholesome purposes like downloading the new Dire Straits album before it came out, or getting the latest movies to save us having to queue up at the cinema, but now these PREVERTS have PREVERTED it to serve their own PREVERTED needs.
And before we get people telling us that we’ve spelt that wrong, just so you know, we did it on purpose to stop any of these types of people finding our site when they do a google search for “that word”. Quite frankly it makes us sick to the very core to think that these people could be quite literally rubbing their private bits as they read the words that we typed with our clean fingers.

Cooking Method Stigma?

Being fond chefs here at OOS we were amazed to have our attention drawn to a form of segregation beginning to appear amongst the cooking community by a friend of ours (cheers Stryka). Signs such as this are springing up at more and more places across the world, farms seemingly the biggest culprit.
Quite why the hard working men and women of our farms would have a problem with this particular method of food preparation is, quite frankly, beyond us. Perhaps the bubbling of the boiling water has a tendency to spook the cattle, or maybe the vast amount of steam that is inevitably produced has been known to cause crops to wither and die. However neither of these seems to be a valid excuse to demonstrate such an open aversion to people who choose to cook their eggs and fish in this way.
Nevertheless, the message is clear, no matter how healthy poaching food may be, each and every one of us are left with dilemmas such as "I really fancy salmon tonight, but if I choose the healthier option of poaching rather than frying or grilling there's a chance I could be hunted down by some angry country dweller and shot in the face and / or spleen with his big farmers gun".
The pro-poaching brigade have taken a firm stance in the face of such hostility and even now poaching recipes are readily available from a variety of sources including books, magazines, newspapers and of course the internet. Jamie Oliver said "They'll have to catch me first", Ainsley Harriot gave us a resounding "B**locks to THAT!!" and Delia Smith almost went too far with her warcry of "They can shove that attitude of theirs right up their a***s", accompanied by a passionate two-fingered salute. Well at least that's what they might have said had we bothered to contact them, which we didn't. We just made that up.

Subliminal "Outing"?!?

HE'S A GAY - geddit?
Well no, at first neither did we. Until we realised that this vehicle was openly casting suspicions on the sexuality of everyone that it drove by on its way to deliver a consignment of suspicious orange coloured rubber mice to a secret location in Cornwall. Or something. We read it and immediately began to assess everybody around us. "Who's a gay?" we thought. Then we realised that perhaps it was the driver of said vehicle that was gay, and somehow the lorry itself was trying to let everyone know about it. Either way it's subliminal messaging and we don't like it - don't get us wrong we don't mind people being gay, as long as they don't rub it in our faces with big lorries, not that we have anything against big lorries, as long as they don't rub it in our faces with big gays... (pic supplied by Fox)

Time To Wake Up.

You know it's funny. Everywhere you go, everywhere you look you see things that just aren't right. Seriously. Pay a little more attention and you might just become as outraged with the state of the world today as we are. It's not as if we haven't given the world a chance but our patience just ran out. Quite frankly we've had enough. It's time to put a stop to this by uncovering the evidence wherever we may find it, and bring it to you, so that we may all carry on safe in the knowledge that WE know something that THEY don't - even though THEY might not know it themselves. Actually, the fact that THEY don't know is what makes the whole thing work, because if THEY knew then THEY would be one of US, and if THEY all knew then there wouldn't be any THEY at all, it'd just be US, but then again THEY might know but wouldn't tell US because THEY like to think that THEY know something that WE don't...

Hold on tight. The ride could get bumpy...