Blatant Sexism!!

Woke up to this headline today - we can't believe that we're living in a world where this type of thing continues to happen on a regular basis...

Two things for women in this situation

1) maybe if you stopped all the whining about pay you'd get some work done, and therefore be worth paying the same amount as your hardworking male counterparts.

2) if you're going to convince people you're worth every penny that they pay you, it might be a good idea to turn the monitor on. You dumb bint.

Research Study Proposal #1: Which Letter of the Alphabet is Best?

Today we’re proud to announce the first of (hopefully) many proposed research studies that we at OOS are willing to undertake, providing we receive enough sponsorship. Our project? To determine which letter of the alphabet is perceived to be the best by the general population of the planet Earth.

It must be noted that we are most certainly NOT looking to establish which letter of the alphabet is the people’s FAVOURITE. Oh no, there’d be no skill in that whatsoever. We want to know which letter is the BEST.

We have estimated that this extensive research should be possible on a budget of around £5million, and take in the region of 2-3 years. Please be aware that these figures are only estimates and could increase exponentially once the project is underway.

If you feel that you can make a contribution towards our costs then please write to us at outragedofsolihull@googlemail.com for further payment details.

Please give generously. We won’t be able to do this without your help.

People Get Paid For This Shit?!?!

Today it has been revealed that a single gene determines the dryness of your earwax. Go on, stick a finger in your ear and take a look. Is it wet or is it dry? More to the point do you actually give a toss?

We certainly don't, and as our collective bloods began to boil at the fact that we actually WORK for a living, we remembered a number of other rather 'interesting' investigations that have been done by obvious spongers who can't be arsed to make any real effort to earn a living these days such as...

- the team that spent several years (not to mention hard cash) investigating why cornflakes went soggy when covered in milk

- a similar series of experiments to determine the best biscuit to dunk in your tea

- a recent survey to determine what percentage of people wanted to be surveyed.

Not to be deterred, the crack team of ear-investigators have told us that they can determine a persons race just by looking at their earwax. I can give you a better idea, just look at the fucking person whose ear you're getting the wax from and you'll probably get the same result, albeit a great deal faster.

According to the people carrying out this research, the earwax could play a significant part in identifying breast ailments in women. Of course it does. Picture the scene, "Well Ms. Brown I've had a quick poke in your ears and I'll be needing you to get your tits out now - no really, it says so here on the internet".

Perhaps we're looking at this from the wrong angle, perhaps we're jealous of the fact that a bunch of 70's throwbacks are being paid $millions per year to sit around all day doing fuck all, and coming up with this kind of preposterous bollocks on a semi-regular basis in order to keep the bailiffs from the door.

There's always the age-old saying "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" - so we'll be advertising our research services in the next few days. If you know of anyone that might be willing to invest a ridiculous amount of money into an inane and utterly pointless exercise, please direct them to this site and we'll see if we can come to an amicable agreement.

Gary Glitter: An Apology

We would like to offer our sincere apologies to Gary Glitter for the review that was posted earlier this week in extreme bad taste. Since posting this article new information has come to light regarding Mr. Glitter, and therefore we must ensure that everyone is aware of how ashamed we are at what we did.

Paul Gadd (real name Gary Glitter) we are sorry.

Celebrating with friends.

Sorry that when reviewing your life as a sex offender that we outrageously failed to take into account the fact that you were EXPELLED from Cambodia in 2002.

Apparently Mr. Glitter used to “hang around” the orphanages of Cambodia, and would frequently sing to the children there. Having been questioned about this, the owner of one of the orphanages in question commented “I believed him to be a doctor”, raising questions such as what sort of doctor turns up to work with a guitar and sings “I love, you love, me love” to a large group of children all day. Cambodian ones, apparently.

In light of this new evidence we have no choice but to increase our previous score by one point.

REVISED SCORE – 9 out of 10

Got Rich, Wish He'd Died Tryin'

The UK's media today displayed its ignorance of all things street by attributing quotes to talented rappist Fiddy Sen, known in some circles as 50 Percent, making him out to be some sort of penis.

Talent. Yesterday.
Allegedly speakin' about his new film "Get Rich Or Die Tryin'," Mr Sen was answering accusations about capturing a film that glorifies violence, "No way was it in my head to capture a film that glorifies violence." He then allegedly added that Jarhead, a film depicting the Gulf War, was "far more violent."

Now this is where we at OOS get suspicious. Why would someone with so much talent and obvious brain pick out a war film, which generally will include violence of some sort, as an example of how other film makers get away with it while an innocent ol' "gangsta" gets all the flack. Not least a war film renowned for including "not a lot of war" thus implying he has commented on a film WITHOUT EVEN SEEING IT!

Well, Mr UK's Media, we stand behind Fiddy as a bastion of intelligence and clever talented rap and publicly denounce the comments you have attributed to him. No amount of cynically doctored "raw footage" of him saying this will make us change our minds.

One Night In Paris: Directors Cut

Today we bring you EXCLUSIVE details of extra scenes currently being added to the home-office wankfest “One Night In Paris” as part of its all-new “Directors Cut”. This footage adds an extra hour to the infamous hotel encounter, and show that Ms. Hilton and Mr. Solomon didn’t spend the entire night alone, and were in fact joined during the evening by Sonya from Eastenders and the ginger one from Girls Aloud.


Our top reporter tried to obtain official comment from anyone that had anything to do with making the movie but was unsuccessful in so much that he couldn’t be arsed to actually do any work and decided to spend the afternoon “beating” his “monkey”, whatever that means.

Sex Offender Review #2

NAME – GARY GLITTER

Self-proclaimed “leader of the gang” and possessor of a name widely used as rhyming slang for anus, Glitter achieved worldwide superstardom for his music, while all the time fiddling with kids everywhere he went. Once the allegations of abuse went public he went into hiding under the incredibly effective disguise of TAKING OFF HIS WIG. After photos of him in full-on baldy mode were released in the tabloids he fled the country, with the intention of never being seen again. However, you can’t keep a good paedo down (unless you’re 11 years old), and he was soon up to his old tricks again in Vietnam. As he was hauled away to answer for his crimes he was heard to have cried out “…and I’d have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for meddling with those kids”. He managed to get the charges reduced from “child rape” to the far more acceptable “child molestation” and is currently awaiting his fate in a Vietnamese jail.

SCORE - 8 out of 10

Sex List Controversy

As the flames of the Ruth Kelly scandal continue to lick around the ankles of paedophiles everywhere we thought that one person couldn’t top the hilarity from yesterday. How wrong we were, as she has gone on to better it herself, and within 24hours no less!


Upon seeing this article we became intrigued by the contents of this so-called “sex list” and decided we wanted to know more about it, what it is, and its contents. However rather than continuing to read the article we thought it would be much funnier to just make something up instead.

The Ruth Kelly Sex List 2005 turns out to be a complete list of every person that Ms. Kelly has enjoyed (or at least participated in) sexual relations with during that year. It is the final part of a trilogy which began in 2003, and rumours abound that upon completion of next years eagerly awaited Ruth Kelly Sex List 2006 will then release the Ruth Kelly Sex Legacy Box Set, although we have heard that she may possibly decide to pay homage to Douglas Adams by continuing to use the term “trilogy” to describe the series well into its 4th iteration and beyond.

The controversy over the sex list lies in its authenticity. Top names are predominant, with people such as Johnny Depp, Samuel L. Jackson, Leslie Grantham and Carol Vorderman all being named near to the top of the list (said to be sorted into “quality order”) – however ALL of the people appearing in the list refused to comment, with the exception of Johnny Depp who offered “you’re joking aren’t you? I wouldn’t even touch her with yours”.

Needless to say this has caused shockwaves throughout the political and literary world, putting the future of the series in jeopardy. Nobody knows from where the next twist in this saga will come, but we will be right there to make something up about it to keep you informed.

Sex Offender Review #1

This morning we logged onto t'internet to read this on msn.com....



In all honesty we didn't realise things had gotten this bad. However we're eager to give the people what they want, and if that's reviews of these preverts then let's get started!!

NAME - MATTHEW KELLY
Matthew showed initial promise, allegations of abuse were rife and he became notorious in a relatively short space of time due to exposure in the press. However this soon fizzled out as he was exposed as a fraud - it was revealed that he hadn't actually abused anyone at all.
Score - 0 out of 10

Rhinoplasty Scam Revealed!!

NOTE: we were originally going to call this article “Plastic Surgery Cowboys” but felt that with the release of Brokeback Mountain it may mislead people into thinking we were doing a piece on gays from backwards redneck towns in America with bizarre sex-toy fetishes. However to avoid any confusion we would like to clear up that we’ll be bringing that to you in the next month or so.

Today we uncover a scam involving plastic surgeons that are sending their patients back into the world having received NO SURGERY WHATSOEVER and a few thousand pounds worse off. Despite having received no treatment, these people are happy with the service and would willingly recommend their friends to the same surgeons. As evidence of this we present to you Jodie Marsh.



The other day we were looking at pictures of the lovely Ms. Marsh and noticed that above her fantastic boobies there was a head. Once the initial shock of this discovery had worn off we noticed her nose. Looks a bit, well, ‘wonky’ doesn’t it? We decided to investigate, and immediately discovered that not only does she support plastic surgery, but she has actually ALREADY HAD A NOSE JOB.

There is only one feasible explanation for this. Hypnotism. Plastic Surgeons around the world are employing these mysterious men to convince their patients that their nose / tits / cock is 150% better than it used to be, charging them thousands in the process and sending them back onto the streets. This dirty money is then split between the surgeon and his mesmer-lackey who are quids in. You don’t think Derren Brown can afford those snappy suits on just his TV salary alone, do you?!?

The other (rather far-fetched) option is that somehow her nose looked even more odd before the surgery. We have mocked up a few possibilities….

The Brussels Sprout

Third Ear

The Frankfurter

The Frank Butcher

Who the FUCK made Pete Doherty famous?!

Fame. It's a strange beast. In modern times it seems that just about anyone can become a celebrity, although to make sure that "proper" ones are kept seperate from the wannabes we apparently are supposed to put them into "lists" to define just how good a celebrity is at, well, being a celebrity.

Sorting out all the celebrities in the world isn't an easy task, and wasn't taken lightly by whoever it was that was responsible for categorising all the famous people in the world. Oh no. Another part of the task must have been to filter out those people who are quite obviously famous, but the term "celebrity" just wasn't right. People such as the Queen and George W. Bush, and even historical figures like Isaac Newton had their celebrity status revoked to ensure the accuracy of the lists, from A to Z.

Inevitably though there are always going to be inaccuracies. You're always going to get fish slipping through the net. With this in mind, we present to you Pete Doherty.



Come on... Just look at him. We've been racking our brains for the last two months trying to work out exactly WHY this guy is considered a celebrity. Not a week goes by where there isn't a "PETE DOHERTY IN << insert random arsehole incident here >> SHOCKER!!" story in a newspaper, or being reported on the radio and television. But no matter what, we are still at a complete and utter loss as to exactly why we're supposed to give a shit.

Andy Warhol's "everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes" quote has never rang so true. Unfortunately for us, in Doherty's case that 15 minutes seems to have dragged on for way too long.

Games For Girls #1

It's about time that a videogames publisher decided to bring out a game that will geniunely appeal to female gamers on a mass-market level...



Let's hope an eye-toy compatible version is just around the corner. With online play.

End the Exploitation of Women NOW!!!

Looking around various TV channels at 3am (as we often do) we stumbled across a new kind of degrading activity that women all around the world are being forced to endure on a frighteningly regular basis. We were horrified to learn that women are being forced to perform in public for the entertainment of men (and other women) in something known as "Womens Athletics" - a depraved and sickening spectacle where the fairer sex perform such activities as "running" and "throwing", two things that we all know women are RUBBISH at.

Stadia around the world are frequently packed with the kind of sick bastards that enjoy this sort of thing, clapping and cheering the women on as they make utter fools of themselves for the whole world to see.

Don't get us wrong, we love ladies, women, heck even most of the ugly ones too, and whereas we would much rather see them doing activities that they are much more suited to, such as "cleaning", "cooking" or "lapdancing", if women must insist on flexing their competitive muscles every now and again then perhaps this is the sort of thing that might suit them a bit better...

Jack Thompson Says...

"Bloody Hell!!!"

Microsoft Masterstroke

Every couple of years the games industry enters a transitional phase when one generation of console is coming to the end of its life, while the next generation begins to emerge to the uncomfortable excitement of 30-somethings in glasses everywhere. Approaching such a transitional phase at the time of writing this we noticed something that Microsoft are doing different with the Xbox360 – they’re CHANGING THE DESIGN OF THE AV CONNECTOR!! We’re sure that we don’t need to tell you what genius this is. I mean, first off just look at the old one, it’s RUBBISH. The new design is so much nicer, and kind of looks like the background of the logo for a new, exciting sci-fi series that may even be good enough to be screened on the Hallmark channel. Starring Gil Gerard. Probably.
Secondly, Sony used the same old scummy leads to connect the PSOne and PS2, as did Nintendo with the Super Nintendo, N64 and Gamecube. This led to people having stinky old leads from years ago plugged into their TV set, whereas Microsoft have openly embraced the idea that people WANT to play the “where’s-my-scart-socket” game once again, and that they WANT to pay extra money for the privilege.
Microsoft should take pride in the fact that they are following in the footsteps of the great Sega, who pulled all kinds of shenanigans with their AV connectors over the years, and just look at the thriving slice of the hardware pie currently enjoyed at the office of the blue hedgehog. Microsoft, we salute you.

Race Hate Explosion

Following up our story from the end of last week, prosecutions in the area of race hate have increased by 29% from last year, showing a distinct upturn in the numbers of people willing to risk it all to declare their disdain for the sort of events that have been the mainstay of athletics tournaments around the globe for many years.

Bertie Jiggs, a spokesman for PACRAP (Paedophiles Against Competitive Running And Politics) said “All we want is the freedom to express our disgust at the people that indulge in this sickness. Oh yes, it all starts off very innocently with your 100M sprints, but then they go and stick hurdles in the way and make the race 10 metres longer!! Then they really start to take liberties with things like the 1500M, I mean, what sick bastard thought that one up?!? As for the steeplechase – don’t even get me started on the steeplechase,” at which point he was led away by police.

We Support Race Hate!

There's been a lot of reports in the press recently about the increase in race hate crime. We'd just like to say that although we don't condone crime, race hate is fine and should be encouraged.

Take the marathon, for example, 25 miles of running/wheezing/pissing and for what? What possible use is being able to run through a city for a couple of hours other than the ability to be smug and boast about said "achievement."

Anyway, join your local protests as I'm sure there will be some, stand up people, fight the good fight against THEM.

Tapes Are Terrorists!

Don't say we didn't warn you (see post from Wednesday, November 02, 2005) but the evil that is blank videotapes have taken another step towards complete evilismocity after reports that evil terrorists are leaving evil terrorist tapes in non-Evil mosques in Yorkshire.

So now, not only can little Johnny transfer his animal-based porn to these evil devices but he can also learn how to become a terrorist purely because of the existence of these (evil) blank videotapes!

Something must be done, we need to protect our children.

Faced with this startling new report, some bloke from TDK (well known exponent of evil blank media on many levels) what we confronted and put forward our allegations of eviliciousness to, spewed, "Huh?" I don't think we need to point out the ramifications of this admission.

To say we're disgusted is an understatement.

We're disgusted.

Lazy Bastards!!!

An increasing number of blogs have appeared on the internet over the past year or so, with people taking the time to let the world know about their lives, the lives of their favourite rock band, their opinion of the latest movies and other such nonsense. As annoyed as we are that these people seem to think that anyone is going to actually READ this pointless cack, it’s nowhere near as angry as we get when we find a site that stands out, that shows promise, only to find that after a week or so the ideas seem to have dried up and the people responsible either don’t bother anymore or, worse still, attempt to keep the thing alive with futile attempts at humour that Keith Harris and Orville would be ashamed of.

Spread of Evil Continues

During further investigations of the seeming resurgence of evil that was uncovered recently to have spread across the internet like a rampant C++ based cold-sore (see previous story “Porn Found on Internet!!!”), we were horrified to discover the availability of blank VHS video cassettes and the equipment (commonly known as a “VCR”) used to record all manner of sick filth onto said tapes. These tapes would appear to be readily available from a wide variety of retail outlets, and during our investigations we found that shopkeepers were more than happy to sell these blank tapes to children as young as 5 years old WITHOUT verifying their age OR inquiring as to the intended use of the tapes, before allowing the "innocent" child to make their purchase. We emplore our readers to keep an eye out for any retailer willing to push these tools of depravity upon the youth of today and do whatever you can to put a stop to this trade in evil. Be aware that there are several variations of cassette, such as the E120, E180 and the outrageous E240, which allows the recording of up to 8 HOURS of sickening animal-based porn to be recorded onto it for future use, proving that when it comes to evil the byword would appear to be quantity, not quality.