Friday, October 19, 2007

We Pick Jeff Hardy!!!*


We're officially letting the world know that we pick Jeff Hardy! That's right he's ours, no matter what anyone tells you. Can someone tell Dan please, as I don't think he quite understands yet.
*This update is officially utter shit, and there's probably only about 8 people on the planet that will get it. I don't really care, it's not as though I get paid for this.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Straw "opposes all Ninja outfits"

In a special report from our good friend The Captain, Cabinet Minister Jack Straw has said he would “prefer Ninjas not to wear veils at all”. The Commons leader said he did not want to be "prescriptive" but he believed that covering people's faces could make community relations more difficult.

Mr Straw has said he asks Ninjas at his Blackburn constituency surgeries if they would mind removing veils.

Some Ninjas called his remarks insulting, but others said they understood his concerns.

Ninjas: "Angry" with comments.

Mr Straw is Labour MP for Blackburn, where about 30% of residents are Ninjas. He sparked controversy when he told his local paper he asked ninjas visiting his surgery to uncover their faces - something they had all so far agreed to do.

Asked on BBC Radio 4's Today programme if he would rather the veils be discarded completely, Mr Straw replied: "Yes. It needs to be made clear I am not talking about being prescriptive but with all the caveats, yes, I would rather." Mr Straw explained the impact he thought veils could have in a society where watching facial expressions was important for contact between different people. "Communities are bound together partly by informal chance relations between strangers - people being able to acknowledge each other in the street or being able pass the time of day," he said. "That's made more difficult if people are wearing a veil. That's just a fact of life. "I understand the concerns but I hope, however, there can be a mature debate about this. "I come to this out of a profound commitment to equal rights for Ninja communities and an equal concern about adverse development about parallel communities."

Mr Straw, seen as a potential candidate for Labour's deputy leadership, stressed it was a choice for the ninjas and he was making a request and not a demand.

Downing Street said Mr Straw was expressing a private opinion. The prime minister said it was reasonable for people to express opinions.

Tony Blair shows his support.

Mr Straw's comments have provoked a mixed response from Ninja groups. The Ninja Human Rights Commission labelled the article "astonishing" and accused Mr Straw of discrimination. The Protect-Ninja organisation said the "appalling" comments showed "a deep lack of understanding". But Dr Lee Chung Soo, of the Ninja Council of Britain, said he could understand Mr Straw's discomfort adding that ninjas could choose to remove the veil.

But Conservative policy director Oliver Letwin said it would be "dangerous doctrine" to tell people how to dress. He said he did not want to "slip gradually" into a situation where we did not allow differences because they create separations. "If a person is making a statement about how they want to dress, I think it's pretty important we live in a country where you're allowed to do that," he said.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Britney Spears Pre-Fame Photo Outburst!!


Britney Spears today defended the infamous ‘baby car’ photos that have plagued her career all the way from pop starlet to... erm...

Anyway the energetic Mrs. Federline, when contacted for comment by OOS was happy to give us a statement,


“I can wholeheartedly state that I am proud of these pictures, despite the fact that they were taken early in my career before I found my calling as the princess of pop. They were tastefully done and, in my opinion, could even be considered a form of art. At no point have I ever felt that there was any need to hide these photos from the public. If it’s real dirt you’re looking to dig up you should spend more time looking for pictures from my ‘snake charmer’ shoot”.

We think it’s great to see Britney not bowing down to media pressure and sticking to her guns. We'd like to offer you our complete support and backing. And no, not just because we hope some day you might come round to our house for tea and hope you'd need to use the little girls room, and then once you'd gone home we could sell our toilet seat on ebay for hundreds of grands and retire to spend the rest of our time not getting so narked off with work that we have to vent our frustrations writing meaningless tosh like this on the internet (as if anyone's actually reading any of this anyway).

Yep. That's right. Nothing to see here.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Reasons Why Women are Rubbish!! #267

No matter how much we might want women to have complete and total equality in the world, the morality issue came up in conversation the other night. It went something like this...

Man 1 - "If a bloke walked up to me and called me a tosser I'd punch his lights out"
Man 2 - "Too right, that'd be out of order"
Woman - "What about if I called you a tosser?"
Man 1 - "I'd punch your lights out too"
Whole Room - "GASP!!"


Now if women want to be equals, treated the same as men, then why the sudden outrage that a bloke would punch a woman in the gob for spouting off in a pub? Perhaps it has something to do with this...

She lost a fight against some embryos? Now come on... It does specify plural, but surely even if there were 100 of them, she could have taken 'em quite comfortably?!? Seriously just look at the size of these fellas...
and you're telling me that this woman couldn't take a whole load of them on?
Seriously girls, know your limits. Stick to looking lovely and thinking of puppies and summer meadows and stuff, and leave the manly stuff to us men.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Blu Monday

People with more money than sense rejoice! Not content with having just spent a fortune on your SACD player and your HDTV it's now officially time to be fleeced yet again by the promise of even better quality pornography - that's right folks, it's the official unveiling of Blu-Ray.

Now before a bunch of backwater Americans get all excited about any kind of unveiling of a Blu-Ray nature, let us first clear up that we're NOT talking about this guy... although to be honest we kind-of wish that we were.

No, we're talking the latest high capacity storage device from Sony, which will soon be used to store all of the porn that you don't want your missus to find on the Hard Drive of your home PC. The launch sounds like it's going to be stellar too...


Eight Blu-Ray titles will launch on that date from Sony's two major film studios, Sony Pictures and MGM, namely 50 First Dates, The Fifth Element, Hitch, House of Flying Daggers, A Knight's Tale, The Last Waltz, Resident Evil Apocalypse and XXX.

Wow - just check out those launch titles. TWO of them starring Mila Jovovich. In one of them she's practically naked too. We're already getting excited.

A further set of titles will appear on June 13th - with Kung Fu Hustle, Legends of the Fall, Robocop, Stealth, Species, SWAT and Terminator joining the original launch titles on the shelves.

A few nice choices in there we have to admit, but Stealth??? Fucking STEALTH?!?! We honestly thought that it was a Wayans Brothers spoof movie when we saw it. Turns out someone was actually serious. Rumour has it that even Paul W.S. Anderson turned it down on the grounds that it was "too shit".

However, the initial choice available to consumers in terms of what to play their shiny new high definition movies on will be very limited - with only one player, Samsung's costly BD-P1000, set to ship for the May 23rd launch. Further players will appear from Sony and Pioneer shortly after launch.

So there you have it - a list of launch titles containing films that are shit, old, or very poor wank material, and a whopping choice of ONE player on which to play them, and Sony haven't even got their badge on it!

We'll still end up buying one though - they'll probably be shiny and everything. Bastards.